These days being a single parent is commonplace. But sometimes single parents feel that they are not competent enough to ensure that their children to grow up healthy, happy, studious, creative, progressive and with humanitarian beliefs.
As our children grow we discover that each child is a different world with specific needs according to their ideas, their skills and natural interests. Perhaps they resemble us in physical way and in some behaviors but we need to understand, accept, and learn that they are not a clone of ourselves and it is very important that we learn to respect their ideas, desires, and tendencies.
|Dad for Everything?|
Both the father figure and the mother are essential for healthy child development because they illustrate positive emotions such as courage, high self-esteem, interest in studies, kind behavior, desire to explore - research - create.
When it’s just dad who has to deal with everything, it’s important to remember that we do not need to be super-powered beings - this will give our children an unrealistic idea of parenting. Remember, they observe and analyze our behaviors and often tend to imitate. While it can be fun to play “hero,” it is also necessary to be vulnerable, creative, positive, respectful of life in all its forms, and fair. Teach our children from a very early age to feel compassion and unconditional love.
|The Magic Formula|
If there is one essential ingredient for achieving success in raising our children it is simply this: LOVE.
Genuine and constant love. Love expressed with words, gestures, and caresses. Love that is manifested in the care we provide for them. Our unconditional love that never criticizes, that listens to their concerns and ideas. Love through cooking and nutritious meals. Put away authoritarianism. Children aren’t slaves we can put away without considering their feelings and ideas.
Never criticize or devalue the mother, or seek alliances with our children to take her away from them. Above all things do not criticize or create feelings of hostility towards persons belonging to other cultures, ethnicities or religious beliefs. Talk honestly about the relationship you have lived with the mother without hurting her image, ever. Children are relieved when they realize that their parents do not hate each other, or are enemies. The more we open ourselves to talk to them, the more opportunities they have to share their ideas and concerns with us. It is important to be their main ally against adversity.
Live your life and enjoy what you do. Children feel happy when they see us happy. They love when we go to the gym, when we take care of ourselves as well as them, so they don’t feel like a hindrance that keeps you from living a happy and healthy life. Remember that we are examples - illustrate the things we want to teach. Trust them and Give them reasons to trust you.
Do not require your children to be perfect and, above all things, be fully confident in them. Trust moves in a circle, if we show confidence they also develop confidence and trust in us as parents.
Trust is a key that opens all doors. Our children must feel safe to entrust us with all that concerns them. Feelings that can be expressed to us work to close doors to negative influences that seek to harm them. And as a result, we will have more information and tools to act appropriately when something endangers the lives of our children. Letting go of the past after having learned a lesson.
Teach our children that we can let go of our emotional lives and everything that has nothing to do with our present life. Instead, build an experience of lived stories. This attitude will teach that we are not resentful people. Show that resentment is a negative feeling that, in many cases, causes disease in the body due to negative emotions that have not been released.
Resentment increases negative stress, which accumulates in our bodies and makes healthy cells sick. Many diseases such as cancer or immune and mental illnesses are caused by high doses of accumulated resentments. We do not want this for our lives, much less for the lives of our children.
Be everything you want to be and allow your children to develop and grow according to their tendencies and innate abilities. This will allow our children to surprise us, with gratifying results ☺.